| Laura's profileI Think Too Much...PhotosBlogNetwork |  Tools  Help |
I Think Too Much...October 06 Still BusyThe good news is, it's not wedding busy anymore, just life and house busy.
Landon and I got a free weekend and filled our time quickly, from shopping all night Friday, to shopping all day Saturday and hleping Chris move for an hour, to him going to work on Sunday and me staying home and cleaning the house and trying to put things in order, then a late dinner with family and installing one of our blinds.
We finally ordered our kitchen table, they told us we'd have it by Christmas, I'm so excited I can't wait!!! Plus, we got 30% off their cheaper prices vs where we were going to order from orginally. I bought my own little heater fan to work so now I'm not as cold as I used to be sitting here at my desk. We picked out blinds for our house and now it's just waiting for a sale before we purchase and install them. After last night, though maybe we want to spend the $200 for them to do it. We also purchased a tiny tablet PC for the kitchen (it's so cute) and I finally have a new digital camera.
It's been an exciting, busy weekend.
This week should be interesting, I have to finish cleaning the house in time for family Thanksgiving at our place on the 17th, pick a menu and organize ppl bringing stuff for Thanksgiving, finish fixing up the tablet, clean up and organize all Landon's papers into the filing cabinet, finish registering our appliances, find ppl to move the foosball table into the basement (any volunteers?), finish my Thank-You cards (hopefully the pictures are done....), ... sigh, and it's the busiest week of the month at work and ppl that I don't exactly have time for keep calling asking questions that require tons of time to research.
Hopefully we'll hear from Lani about the co-ed soccer team we're on (woot!) and maybe even Andrea to get a couple games in this month, and I can't wait to go to the gym on Tuesday! May 20 I feel UnimportantI feel unimportant and I learned another good lesson today, that I still can't trust my friends to be friends.
I'm tired and frustrated and wondering when the busyiness ends.
Well I guess I know who my real friends are.
I'd just like to see someone other than landon go out of their way for me like I do for them. Is that too much to ask? For someone to offer their services and for them to actually follow through on it.
I'm also anxious to recieve and email about a house. Over the long weekend we put an offer down on a nice little 4-level split but we lost out to someone else with a better offer but it's good because it wasn't worth anymore than what we offered for it for us. I'm waiting for an email about a house that's being built. Hopefully we can buy it and still choose the colots etc... We walked through it yesterday and it's got drywall up now.......
Waiting... waiting... waiting...
May 07 Finally!Whoo Hoo. This is my first post for... 2008, too bad it's already May 7, 2008. Where to even start? I supposed I could blog about my engagement since I said that I would but I think the ppl that would've "cared" have forgotten about it by now, or rather, I hope.
This year has been ... stressful, dramatic, eventful? I don't know what's the correct word to use here. It's been difficult because I've been sick with Graves Disease and adjusting to my medicine has been really really hard. Then switching medicine and changing dosages has been difficult also. But I've been on them for half a year now and we've finally got my levels down into a 'normal' zone. Horray!!! It meant that I take 2 absolutely disgusting pills instead of 3, and less blood testing.
I've been working on contract, and when I started I was supposedly supposed to be full time.... a just over a year later, it's finally happening... I haven't exactly decided what to do yet but we'll see what they offer me I guess.
Otherwise, Landon and I have been spending a lot, and I mean a lot, of time wedding planning and house shopping. It's a lot of work to pull together a wedding, esp when both of you are easy-going about it and don't really care. It's been hard making a lot of the decisions we've been making and we've made some mistakes along the way ie) we found a house we love but we were a day late putting an offer on it and now it belongs to someone else. :( We're not really choked about it, mostly disappointed I think. But that house we gave up to God and decided that if that was to be our house, it'd be our house and it's not. I think that it's pretty clear that we gotta keep looking. We've just sent wedding invitations out and already have an RSVP, way to go Warren! I'm excited. I'm excited that we finally get to get married and even though it seems far away it's not. I keep thinking I've got lots of time and then all of a sudden it's 6 months to the wedding, 5 months, 4 months, 3 months! We've been waiting a long time for this and I'm glad that we're getting closer. It's funny, you never think that it's going to end up this way cuz you've got different plans for yourself but then it does and sometimes it's a little scary, usually it's exciting and then it turns into this wonderful thing that you never thought was possible. All I know for sure, is that I am marrying the very best man I know and that he's mine as much as I am his. I know that the Lord brought us together at a perfect time and that we're blessed for everything to have turned out the way they have. Thanks God!
November 05 Unconditional LoveIn the last couple days I’ve been reminded about what Love, what unconditional love is and what it isn’t. Unconditional love is “no strings attached.” It is the fact that you love me the same no matter what. That you don’t hold your love against me when I don’t do what you want or I do or say or think something you don’t like. It means you don’t stop being kind or civil. It means you don’t act like you’re 15, when clearly, you’re not. It means you’re mature and talk to me in a not yelling, not blaming, not condemning manner. It means that when it’s all said and done I don’t feel sinned against and neither do you. It means that you don’t demand an apology first. It means you don’t clam down and refuse to act like an adult. It means you don’t snowball on everything that I’ve done or said to make you unhappy. It means you don’t hold everything against me until you get what you want. SIGH.
I started this a couple days ago and for some reason couldn't blog... :( I think I have to revise what I was saying, but not now. I'm super stressed. My co-worker is gone cuz of a death in her family so it's up to me to do something I'm not really sure how to do, something I haven't done in months. I'm pretty stressed. Also... I know I'm supposed to blog about the Engagement and stuff but it's been so busy and I feel like we've been engaged for so long anyways. I will get on that and get some pics of the ring up. one day.... (haha) I'm feeling sicker than normal. This past couple weeks have been hammering my body and I can slowly feel it deteriorating, slowing down. Grandma Tupper (Landon's) is coming down today, I hope I have enough energy to visit with her tonight after work and Bible study. September 23 Where to go
Where to go
When the sky turns grey And the stars turn out While the storm wails And the air grows cold I know where to go Where it’s safe and warm Back into your arms To bask in your smile To find comfort in your peacefulness To rest in your strength As you hold me secure And you stroke my hair And those worries, those fears Melt into the darkness Instead, you are the spark Of optimism, of steadiness Of tenderness, of gentleness All I can see is you All I can feel and smell is you And I know you will always be there I know you will always love me Unconditionally “We’re going to get through this together We’re going to battle these hardships together And we’re going to always have each other Achieve it all together You’ll never be alone, never be forgotten I’ll be here by your side Loving you”
~September 24, 2007
This is for the one who put up with me this year, though he wouldn't say 'put up' for the man who loved me even though my family's crazy and we've had to go through some really hard times helping people that I love, for the times when we had our arguments but he was being calm and nice while I was being emotional and irrational, for the times when I was wrong, like today, when I almost made us go the wrong direction to the golf course. This is for helping me when I was so depressed I ran away, this is for all the times I've run away, hiding myself from ou emotionally. This is for all the good times, all the times when we couldn't stop laughing and how I'd laugh just to make you laugh. For all the times we've celebrated and spent with our friends. This is for all the times you took care of me when I was sick, so sick, and when I puked on your shoes on Thursday and you took me inside, cleaned me up and put me in bed. This is for all the doctor's appointments we've had to go through and all the ones that are still left for me. For holding my hand, for waiting with me, for worrying and praying with and for me. Landon, you are the best man that I know. Your heart is your biggest strength and your biggest weakness. Your love is overwhelming at times but you're still here, loving me, making sure I know even when I don't want to admit it. You know I have a million more things to say and I'll keep telling you until your ears fall off. I love you. Thank You for loving me. I'll see you in 5 hours!! I know that this isn't much but it's what I came up with after 8 months of not writing poetry, I don't know what else to do to show you, so I guess I'll just have to keep on showing you the only ways I know how. ;) September 02 Don't You DareI'm trying to blog but I keep getting distracted.
Don't You Dare
Dark cloud moving in Just one fall of rain Would wash away Wash away the pain I could say that I don't care But the the truth is I'd follow you anywhere I've been waiting such a long, long time Don't you dare change your mind I could say that I don't care But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere I've been waiting such a long, long time Don't you dare change your mind Don't wonder round looking For someone to replace me Don't wonder round wasting The rest of your life Don't wonder round waiting For someone else to save you And don't you make the same mistake twice I could say that I don't care But the truth I'd follow you anywhere I've been waiting such a long, long time Don't you dare change your mind My Heart Is BrokenMy heart is broken, for my sister right now, for my parents, for my family. This year has been painful and trying. With what, I feel like, little faith I have left, I feel as if the walls are closing in tighter and tighter and I'll just be trapped. I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of pain for those that I love around me. Nothing too bad has happened to me, other than the fact that I find out on Friday what might be wrong with me, my thyroid? something else? I don't know. But otherwise... my co-worker... she went away on vacation and her luggage was stolen, her relative was taken away from their kids and put in a mental hospital and aonther relative's spouse was in an affair and now they both have HIV. My friend's brother is having a baby that he won't tell his mom about because they're not married, etc etc etc... Seeing the people I walk by looking listless and knowing my face reflects their's, lost. I got really depressed and ran away and hurt some of the people I love most.
My heart can barely contain all this sorrow. Sometimes I try not to think because I just don't have the strength to stand up under this. And my faith... my faith... what faith? I feel so abandoned and alone, forgotten. I feel like I'm clawing back and sometimes I don't know for what. I know you're there God, somewhere but why can't I see You anymore? Why can't I hear You? I'm trying, can you see that I'm trying? I'm trying to find You again. I'm trying to remember of Your great love for me. I'm trying to process my anger and disappointment and look for You anyways. What do You do? What do You do when You see this and see our brokenness, what we do to hide it, to cover it. I want to run to You but I don't know which direction. I want to come to You to seek comfort in You, to trust You and to let You take hold of my brokenness but I don't know how. and I'm afraid. Afraid I'll be left out, like I was left out... facing everyone, facing everything on my own. Falling and being stomped on. But I'm still here, still trying to seach though scared of what I might find, in the middle of these troubles.
Someone loves me. Someone loves all of us. I just wish I could see it more often. June 23 Why date girls when you can date Jesus....I'm tempted to make this group on Facebook Name: Why date girls when you can date Jesus!!! Type: Just for Fun - Inside Jokes Description: Fed up with girls who try to make you do what they always want to do and never ask you what you want to do? Who refuse doing anything you say? Looking for someone who knows everything about you but loves you anyway? Someone who's sensitive, caring, understanding, always there for you and will never let you down or disappoint you? Well, ladies you have no need to search anymore because the love of your life is waiting for you! His name's Jesus and all you have to do is call and he'll be by your side faster than you can say "Pizza" I could go on... and on... and on.... but I won't... I'm tired, maybe tomorrow. June 22 Why date boys when you can date Jesus....
.... when I saw this I thought LAME. Bitter much? I dunno why they started it and why there's so many ppl on it.... Sigh Yeah I'm being a little harsh and anyone who's in the group can do whatever they want. It's just my first thought. Obviously Jesus is 'better'. I've been used and abused by 'Christian guys' who are leaders in their churches etc... I wish people knew the whole story. I hope the people they're with know the whole story and that what happened to me doesn't happen to them. And thought it's not okay, it happened and it'll keep happening cuz guys are human. That's what you get for 'dating' a human. Cuz they're NOT perfect. Who's to say Jesus doesn't disappoint or let you down? It get's turned around into "You didn't ask for the right things" or "He's just not doing it, answering it the way you want him to." I find I get disappointed cuz of my expectations in ppl not cuz it's Jesus or otherwise. And you can find someone who listens to you and does what you want, who knows all about me and loves me anyways (esp my dark, angry, depressed, suicidal days), he's sesitive, caring, definately not creepy, ALWAYS there for me but occasionally he lets me down and I get disappointed... but Oh.... I'm not perfect either so sometimes I let him down and disappoint him too. And as sad as it is... he's one of the only ppl I ever felt loved me.... not Jesus. I know, 'Well you didn't let him love you' etc etc etc.... I've heard it... and yeah it's probably true but that doesn't change my experience. I know that because of my relationships I've learned that unconditional love exists. I've seen it played out. I've experienced it. I know girls who are so picky I don't think that person will ever be able to exist for them. Girls who's standards for their 'perfect' guy are so high that they themselves cannot meet them. We were still created for relationship with one another not God alone. Most of us were created for a husband/wife relationship. Most 'problems' can be solved by God but sometimes he uses people to do it. I know He has for me. June 21 A thought from Tuesday nightDid I miss the memo? Since when was it be a cow to Laura day? And they wonder why I tend to be friends with guys.... |
|
|||||||||
Send a private message
Subscribe to RSS feed
Tell a friend
Add to My MSN
Add to your network
Sign up for alerts
|
|
